Talking to your Children about Religion in India #DueNormal

Religion holds paramount importance for most individuals in Indian society. Most consider it to be an important anchor of personal identity.

The national census notes six major religions of which Hindus are clearly the majority comprising of 80% of the national population. They are followed by Muslims (less than 15%), Christians (less than 3%), Sikhs, Buddhist, Jains and then there are other religions with smaller denominations.

Despite this diversity, most people are unaware of basic aspects of religions other than their own. The child’s family plays a major role in initiating the child’s religious journey but the conversations are limited around visiting shrines, following tenets & rituals, and reciting prayers & myths.

Conversations about other religions tend to be tokenistic, half-baked and at worst, phobic. Chances are that the more affluent and well-to-do you are, less chances your children will have of having exposure and developing sensitivities to other religions. Particularly if you are a Hindu.

This gap is something to worry about as it is vulnerable to exploitation by religious & political actors harboring ill intentions as well as bad faith media and misinformation. Especially in times of crisis and emergencies when one is more prone to such events.

If we observe recent history, it is not difficult to notice that inter-religious conflicts are on a rise and it would be a decently educated guess that they are going to around. Religious violence and hate are bound to make children & young people anxious, worried and unsafe at best and desensitized at worst. For many children this may also result in feeling estranged from their religion.

It is important to start having conversations about religion with children that move beyond standard discourse and address issues in a context that is current, contemporary and feels real & lived. It’s the kind of religious education that your children will find most useful.

1. Storytelling

Everyone must know the foundational tales

Each religion has several associated myths and legends that are central to it that encapsulate its worldview in colorful & fascinating stories like the Dashavatar (Hinduism), the revelations of Muhammed (Islam), the life of Jesus (Christianity), Guru Nanak discovering the unity of God (Sikhism), Buddha’s chariot ride into the night (Buddhism), Mahavir’s awakening (Jainism). These are the kinds of stories that every child. irrespective of their religion should know. These are not just fascinating myths but they are templates and stories that inform thought, philosophy, culture & art. Age appropriate material for this is easy to find. Religion is a treasure trove of stories but you need to ensure that you are being inclusive.

And also remember that they are religions than the demographically major religions, like Judaism, Zoroastrianism, Sanamahism, Baháʼís and even atheists and those who identify as spiritual atheists.

Try and be watchful of the moral instruction.

As religions are resistant to reform, you may find that some of the moral instruction in some texts may not be very suitable to the times that we live in… there maybe problems in the manner in which women are portrayed, in which other religions are considered, in the manner in which homosexuality is dealt with. It is okay to engage in a critical discussion. It is not blasphemy… you are giving your child relevant and useful context on how to process these stories. You are trying to ensure that when your child walks into a roomful of people from diverse religions, they don’t come across as someone who walked in from two centuries ago.

Stories About Secularism & Syncretism

The Hindu Ayyappa’s friendship with the Muslim Vavar, Buddha’s embrace of people from all walks of life, The story of the Good Samaritan, Premchand’s Idgah… there is a running tradition of secularism and syncretism in the country which is found in religious and folk narratives as well as in art & culture. Your child should also be exposed to the manner in which different religions not just co-exist but also inform each other. Museums are another terrific space where one can see religions co-mingling in the artifacts & paintings.

Do Not Glorify The Royalty

Yes, there are Hindu Kings & Muslim Emperors of yore but if attempt to glorify them under the umbrella of religion be extremely cautious. That they are primarily administrators and political agents should be foregrounded. To portray them as faithful crusaders of religion play into bad faith narratives and will lead you down so much misinformation that your child may be completely unmoored when it comes to understanding history.

2. Visit the Shrines & Places of Religious Significance

With a rich & varied religious tradition, you are never too far away in this country from a place of religious and historic significance. Take advantage of this fact and ensure that you take your children to visit the places where not just yours but other religions are practiced.

If you are unsure about the practices and rituals involved in entering and participating in the space, the best thing you can do would be to reach out to someone who seems like they know and ask them. If fact, because religion is a touchy subject, its always better to ask if you are even the tiny bit unsure. It’s a lesson for your child just to watch you be respectful and careful with other’s religious sensitivities. And once you enter the space, it is an opportunity for your child to learn about diversity, tolerance & respect.

Visiting shrines during big festivals and celebrations can be chaotic and is fun, eye-opening and an experience of a lifetime for your child.

3. Ensuring a Respectful Atmosphere in the House

Create spaces at home for active communication. In many households talking about religion or questioning religion is a big no-no. Remember that doubts fester and make the child vulnerable to questionable fringe belief systems, which every religion is surrounded by. Do not send the message that religion is intimidating subject. Encourage dinner table or drawing room discussions. You may not have all the answers and it is okay.
Don’t use religious slurs in the house to refer to people belonging to other religions. Even as joke.
Try to ensure that other religions find some representation in your house either in the holy books you keep or the religious pictures & artifacts in the house. It is important to be respectful and aware when doing this. And it is important for you to know the significance of this material. Otherwise it is just tokenism.
Celebrate the festivals & cultures of all religions. Expose your child to diversity in clothing, food, music that is to be found But if a particular practice is too culturally dissimilar from your own religion, teach your child on how they can be tolerant, accommodative and supportive.
It is okay to be proud of your religion but it is not okay to let that pride get toxic and xenophobic to other religions. No religion is perfect nor does it have a perfect history. In fact, the history of all religions is full of injustices and terrible wrongs being done to other human beings because of toxic pride & xenophobia. Your responsibility when engaging an inter-religious debate is to be informed, measured, empathetic & non-toxic.
In the light of communal attacks & conflicts, discuss the events with your child. Ensure that your discussion does not entail sweeping indictment of a particular religion. Underline the importance of tolerance especially in times like these. If you have neighbors and friends belonging to the persecuted religion, you must reach out to them. If your child has friends belonging to that religion, encourage your child to reach out to them. Offer support and help is possible.
If you are aware that your child is exposed to communal material either on the TV or on the internet, address it immediately. Tell the child that if they are upset by communal material they have seen anywhere, they are free to reach out to you with their questions & debates.
Tell your child that it is not okay to bully or pick on anyone because of their religion both in real life and in online space. In the light of current events, this is a must do for every Hindu family primarily because you are a majority in a country where a harmful majoritarianism is looming.
Vitriolic behaviour towards a person because of the religion they belong to is unacceptable. A person’s actions are a much better judge to their character than their religion.
Do not unnecessarily and without context attach religion to a person’s identity.

4. Dispel the Myths & Stereotypes

There is a huge perception gap with regards to other religions that you must work to dispel. These are just a few examples:

As we have seen from above, Hindus are a massive majority in India. 80 out of every 100 Indians is a Hindu. This is the kind of majority that is here to stay. So any fears of demographic change are just fake news being peddled by bad faith actors.
Christians are less than 3% of the country. So once again, the fear of ‘forceful conversion’ is clearly overstated. If you are having a discussion on conversion, a discussion of caste in Hinduism and the role that has played in estranging people from the religion is necessary to bring up.
Dictating what other people should be eating and wearing is an invasion of private space.
Associating only Muslims with terrorism and radicalism is a bias. Other religions also have radical and violent strains which need to be addressed.
People from religions other than Hinduism are also patriots and they have done and are doing many great things for the country. ‘Anti-National’ is a concept made up and used by bad faith actors.

5. Handling Offensive Behavior

If someone offends your religion, it is tough to keep a handle on the outrage and emotion that you feel.
But before you consider reacting it would be good to first ground & steady yourself.
The offender maybe a troll, a hate mongerer, a deep seated bigot or someone who inadvertently played into their biases and made a gaffe. It would be good to figure out which is which, before you engage in counter speech.
Ensure that your counter speech does not put you and your family at risk. It would be good if you had allies with you.
Consider reporting. If it’s an online platform, report it there. (It’s not easy to take down communal content) Ask others to report it as well. Consider reporting it to the law.
Consider blocking.
If the bad actor is spewing fake news, report it immediately to fact checkers.
It may seem impossible, but if your emotions allow you, believe that you can constructively reform the person.
Vent out your frustrations to a friend if that helps you.

6. Foreground Humanity

Peace and kindness are the basic tenets on which all religions were kick -started. Finding inner peace within oneself and then passing it on to fellow humans through deeds is the ultimate goal of every religion.
Humanity and human values like kindness, empathy, humility, gratitude, critical thinking, benevolence, respect, and love are worthy of embrace, even above religion.
Considering the current situation in the country, rather than concentrating on the differences we may try and highlight the similarities which unify us as humans. Being kind to one another is a conscious choice that we will have to make. A good place to practice this is our homes – our parents, spouses and children.
Remember that your religion can never be an excuse for you to be unkind or unjust.

7. The Law

Involving in hate speech or promoting hatred both online and offline against a particular religion can amount to 3 years of imprisonment under the Indian Penal Code.

Thank you for reading. Click here to read the rest of this series.